الممر
The Passageway
I have been alive for 80 years, perhaps a hundred ones, or perhaps I am
still young and juvenile with a wrinkled old soul, I cannot truly tell…
I am just as I have ever been, always the same.
Sitting on a chair that could have fit another two, but still I am
alone.
Sitting in front a wall: a creature in a passageway as pale as the parched
lips of the entombed and as foreboding as an Egyptian hospital, stretching
infinitely in both directions
Today, I will be meeting my friends, as usual! Thankfully, I have never
spent a day alone in my life, or so I think. Surely, they will be here filling
this void inside of me, this void of human need for a companion. They will be
there for me today undoubtedly, because they love me. They are always there by
my side…
It is a matter of time, just a few seconds before someone comes walking
at me, before a friend comes to meet me, just on time as they always are!
The light at the end of the passageway is blindingly bright, swallowing
up every shape until any newcomer is nothing but a black dot that grows the
closer they come.
The day is still young… obviously, the morning is just beginning,
someone will come. Someone will come soon...
A black furry slithering demon ran past me. The wretched rat scared me.
I did not touch it, but someone will surely come to kill it or maybe just scare
it away. But I… I could not harm a fly even if it was standing on my nose. I… I
cannot harm any breathing creature. Well, except for… except for myself…
Everything in the passageway is clearly shaped and framed, except me.
Just a shapeless form, a man who cannot see how he looks like…
Now, there is a croakroach in the passageway, I am afraid of
croakroaches. Damn it! it is getting closer, it will fly in my face! Someone
will be here to kill it. Someone will be here…
Because they know… they know I have a phobia of croakroaches, may God
guide him away from me.
It is gone! Thank god, it is gone...
Everything is still clear but the lights are dimming and the day is
nearing its end. I think it is noon….
They are not late, certainly I am just early. It is not unusual. I am
always early! They will be here, or just someone will be here, I know it.
Thank God! Someone is coming, a woman is coming,
“Have you seen any of my friends coming?” I asked her as she approached,
“I am waiting for them, surely, they are on their way… May I just call them
with your phone? you know, my credit seems to have run out”
The devilish woman doesn’t even stop to answer me, and sparing only a
glance at my shapeless form muttering, “False hope kills…” she continue
on her way as the light swallowed her whole.
Someone will come. Someone will come and listen to me speaking of this
weight pressing on my chest, someone will come…
Late?! Well, it
doesn’t matter… it is not unusual. I am always here waiting for them. They will
come, it is always like this, they will surely come…
I have got plenty and plenty of stuff to talk to them about when
they are here. I will tell… I will tell them about how lonely I am when they
are not here. I will express my undying love and joy, pure joy while
they are beside me. Just when they arrive…
And none of them will get bored of me, they always read my stories and I
have always listened to their pain, I have always shared my darkest secrets
with them and took a part of their sorrow. I remember it.
I remember when one of them came to me complaining about how dire his
life at home has become. Or this one whose tears stained my shoulder
once. And that one, she could not stop talking about how her family was
falling apart and the other one whose days with her lover were cut short by his
death. So of course, they will come. They will come and listen to me this time
because… because I love them!
And they…
They said they would be there for me no matter what happens and…
They told me they would listen to me forever and that they were happy
because they were with me…
They will come. They will come.
The light began to fade entirely; darkness was soon to fall but surely
someone would appear. Someone would come and illuminate this choking darkness.
Coldness creeped over me, but someone will surely come. Someone will
come and they will shine through this darkness warmly enough to calm me, just
as I have always done to my friends.
Oh! Here! Here he is!
Someone… someone is coming. Someone is approaching, the light has
almost died but there was still enough for me to see him. I scrambled to my
feet and stood in front of him, my arm ready to encircle him and trap him with
me forever. And here he is! Just in front me.
Just in front of me and he is taking a step further…
But…
He passed through like sunrays through a glass, like I am nothing, like
I was some ghost…
I stood there, my head so fogged, shock as I have never witnessed before
etched on my face. My eyes wide-open let a tear escape down my face.
My heart clenched inside my chest as my soul was stifled like a candle.
Surely…
Surely, someone will come and I would tell them…
I would tell them about that betrayal, because they won’t leave me
alone. I know it.
I sat down again, the light barely visible anymore.
Isn’t anyone coming? Did they forget me? Did they just lose their way or
has something awful befallen them?
But they are not all together! They wouldn’t all be in the same
accident!
Darkness swarmed every corner around me, devouring every last ray of
light and no one came…I am alone.
I shivered from coldness or disappointment but I won’t believe the
devilish woman. I will…
I will just sit here till tomorrow and the day after it and the next
one, waiting for them…
But no, false hope does not kill, it is holding on for that hope for too
long…
I am alone. Why didn’t they come for me? Because I am a bad person?
Maybe I did something to upset them…
I am alone. Loneliness creeping over me.
I am alone and I can feel my isolation tightening around me more and
more.
Someone is walking in the passageway with a lantern. I would have
believed it was a star illuminating the sky, if it did not start to approach me
slowly. I knew someone will come for me! I knew it!
Yes, I know him, I have seen him before. He is getting closer and closer
and now he is in front of me. But he is not one of them,
“Sir, can you please tell me what time it is?” I asked him.
“You?!” he replied in bewilderment, recognition written on his face.
“What?”
“I have been walking this passageway every day for a hundred years. And
I see you. I see you everyday sitting on that same bench asking me the same
question…”
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